Dear Dirty Minger that used the toilet at Stater Bros. --
Thank you so much for leaving the bathroom in Stater Bros. in such a state, as there is nothing I like more than to use a bathroom where someone has left a snail trail all over the toilet seat.
Even better is when it is a bloody snail trail, like the one you left when removing your tampon.
Even better than that is seeing where you have flung your used, bloody tampon, as you tried to get it in to the bin. Rest assured that when it comes to wall art, Jackson Pollock has nothing on you.
Looking at that wall, I could truly feel your state of mind when you tried to chuck that unwrapped, used snatch plug into the trash can. To you, that state of mind says "I too can be empowered just like Sheryl Crow, and not use unnecessary toilet paper." To me, that state of mind says "I am a precious fuckwit, and I think I am too good to touch anything that comes out of my body, as it is icky."
Grow up. If you don't know by now that you need to wrap up your vampire's teabag after you have rooted it out of your stench trench, you are not mature enough to be using one anyway. You weren't beyond touching yourself when you shoved that cotton version of the Hoover Dam up there, so you certainly aren't too good to wrap it up in bog roll when it comes out.
If I see you in the street, I will drop trou right then and there, squirt out my Tampax Slender Regular, and bitch slap you with it.
And for fuck's sake, wipe your fucking piss flaps already, and use more than one square of toilet paper while you're doing it, you dirty, dirty minger.