Thursday, June 14, 2007

America, fuck yeah!

Obviously Al Gore's little movie made a big impression on your average American, because large SUV sales are up 25% over the same time last year.

When I win the Lottery I will be buying one myself, along with a 40-foot motorhome, and the license plate frames will read "Fuck you, Al Gore." Maybe Al Gore will feel so guilty that he'll quit jetting all over the world and showing up at his appearances in limos and SUVs, and maybe even downsize his house.

What? It could happen.

Fat Sparrow

P.S. -- Sorry to have fucked off yet again for so long (due to health problems). I'll be around to everyone's place as soon as possible to catch up.


26 comments:

Fumier said...

HH doesn't give a fuck about the environment. She leaves taps running and asks for extra placky bags at the supermarket.

Come to think of it, I don't give a fuck either. I'm not going to be here when it all goes to rat shit.

Fumier said...

Just to be clear, I don't mean she leaves taps running at the supermarket.

Manuel said...

stay well fat sparrow, stay well...

Kieran said...

Al Gore is well named. I think he should be allowed to put his jet anywhere he likes. I don't know what SUV stands for and I don't want to learn. If I had to guess, I'd say Sexy Uber Van.
I'm considering running for the Presidency. Could I count on your support? You could be my Conda Lizard Rice, and Knudsen could be my Dick Chain. How'd that sound?

Medbh said...

Be well, Fat Sparrow.

Sassy Sundry said...

I hope you feel better.

Old Knudsen said...

The crazy plains Injuns, you know the stewarts of the earth didn't give a crap about anything in the future when they got older as they would be dead soon enough, its up to the young uns, that worked out well.

rob said...

SUV? Fuck that shit. Get a proper land barge

Fat Sparrow said...

Fumie -- I'm planning on emulating Constantine the Great; I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want while calling myself an environmentalist, and then on my death bed I'll have an "official" conversion, and people will worship me from there on out.

Manuel -- I'm trying, really!

Kieran -- We're on board. We certainly can't do any worse than the current administration.

Medbh & Sassy -- Thank you.

Old Knudsen -- Oh yes, the children are our future. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Rob -- Not as much cargo capacity as a Suburban, unfortuneately, and it doesn't come in four-wheel drive. My idea of a land barge has a kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom, and is towing a nice little Jeep for exploring the back country.

eddie said...

SUV = Sloppy Ugly Vulva.

i think. ironicly that is what al gore looks like!

whyioughtta said...

I had something really clever and witty to say, but Eddie's comment has shrivelled me up like a ....

Eddie Waring said...

Al Gore's sensible speeches and constant campaigning for a greener planet just cannot compete with 0% financing, cash back or the GM employee discount. If he can find a way to counter offers like that he is on to a winner.

savannah said...

yikes! feel better soon, sugar

Fat Sparrow said...

Eddie the Second -- I can't call you "Eddie," as I already have a pet Eddie, Eddie Waring. I suppose I can call you "No-Account Eddie," since you don't have a Blogger account.... Either way, thank you; Al Bore and nasty minge in one comment, that's me off my feed.

Whyioughtta -- Right there with you.

Eddie -- And Al Gore doesn't have that "new car" smell, either.

Savannah -- Thanks, I'm trying.

Eddie Waring said...

Call him Eddie No Blog. It has a nice ring to it. Or Blogless Eddie. Both work for me.

fatmammycat said...

Poor old birdie, I hope you feel better soon. I miss your natters- which sound far smuttier that I might have wished.

First Nations said...

1. become healthy AT ONCE.
2. as a descendant of the mighty Coastal Indigenes my only interest in life is leaving a clean and healthy environment for future generations and killing everyone who opposes me with a stone club. or selling meth and killing whales for the Japanese. wait, what?

Andraste said...

You guys. I just bought a bat house, so that the bats could eat all the mosquitoes and I don't have to spray pesticides and shit around my gardens. Also, ordering some ladybugs today (You CAN - I've seen a catalogue!) and a little ladybug house.

I'm all about stopping global warming over MY tenth of an acre!

Andraste said...

Forgot to say - hope your health returns forthwith, chubby birdie!

Fat Sparrow said...

Eddie -- Don't worry, you were my first. First Eddie, that is.

FMC -- Thanks, I'm working on getting the kinks out of that diabetic diet thing, finding what I can tolerate and what-not.

Are my natters smutty? Maybe I should wash....

FN -- 1) Sir, yes sir! 2) Thank you, that one got a serious belly laugh.

Andraste -- I wish we had bats, as I fucking well love bats. Unfortunately, the bats in this area liked to nest in the dead palm fronds on the trunks of palm trees, and every trims them off, so no more bats in the area, other than the ones in my belfry. We've been through several hundred generations of ladybugs (thanks to purchasing them at our local nursery many years ago) and the Spouse Sparrow keeps the back and side yards fairly wild and planted with things to attract ladybugs, butterflies, hummingbirds, and songbirds. It's a jungle out there. Our next-door neighbor looked over the wall one time, and commented "It's like the Garden of Eden in here!" Of course, he was slagging us off, as he was a lawn nazi. He couldn't understand why he didn't get all the wildlife, when his yards all consist of neatly manicured grass and pesticides. Go figure.

Oh, make sure you plant lots of things for the ladybugs to nest in. They really, really like dill, and will fornicate like crazy in it. The ladybug larva are really cute. If you don't know what they look like, get a book, so you can see how many you get. Plant anything that attracts aphids, as both the ladybug larva and adults eat them up. If you don't have all of these, you won't have ladybugs next year, and will have to keep buying them from a catalog, only to have them die off.

NiolK said...

Gore's house costs so much to power because they use eco friendly means which is more expensive. Al Gore gives me erections on a daily basis. I love his hair.

boudica of suburbia said...

eco-friendly is still the way forward (she says puffing on a cigarette). Theres nothing I detest more than some cunty city couple pounding around the streets in an SUV. I knew a Kensington Millionaire-type who would use his to go to work... all two streets away. Lazy fuck. I'd like to put all SUV drivers in that catagory please.

While were here, eco-friendly power is more expensive because only a minority use it. Here at least switching to green, renewable electricity will only be a £1 ($2) increase in bills per quarter.

I love bats! One flew into the house when I was in Ontario and I had to catch it in a jumper and release it. Still vigilant for signs of rabies.

First Nations said...

ladybugs will overwinter in your siding and you attic. they don't do any harm, but it's good to know if you have the place fumigated regularly. not that you need to, or that i'm implying that you need to, but that some people do because
fuck it.

Conan Drumm said...

You're going to have to get over your Algae fixation - a non-stop Gorefest is bad for anyone's health.

Hope you're chipper and chirping in no time.

Fat Sparrow said...

Niolk -- You would like Al Bore. You probably use Cherokee hair tampons, too.

Boudica -- It's a bit different here. I want an SUV/4x4 to cover the backcountry, be able to go camping, etc. I do know how to drive a 4x4, and have participated in Jeep competitions and what-not. My idea of rock climbing does not involve going up on 2 legs, or pissing in a bush. With a 4x4, you get to bring a porta-potti.

We don't have that option with the energy. You get what you get, and then you just complain about the bills. California has a lot of mandates where the energy companies have to have so much of their energy from renewable sources such as solar, wind, that methane cap thing from dumps, etc. I believe it's at 13% right now, with 20% by 2012, but don't quote me on that as it's just off the top of my head from what comes in the bill.

Bats are great, aren't they? I went to a family reunion for The Ex's family years back in Nevada, and the pool at the RV park we were at had bats swooping down constantly to get the water. It was lovely.

FN -- I haven't had to gas the place in years, but damned if I'm not considering it. I spent this evening picking ants off me as I sat on the couch, and then a giant spider ran down my arm and leg, and the night before a giant mutant cricket decided to have a stroll across our bed, causing me to have a nervous breakdown.

Conan -- If Gore would only have the decency to cark it and stop annoying me, I'm sure I'd feel much better, but thanks.

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