So here I am, finally catching up on my newspaper reading, and I come across an article about the released British sailors. It seems that the official policy has been reversed, and the sailors have now been forbidden to sell their stories. Thank fuck, because if I have to hear any more sob stories about their ordeals, I will kick their asses myself.
The latest one I was reading about was from Arthur Batchelor, 20-year-old chav extraordinaire, who says he cried himself to sleep after one of the Iranian guards "kept flicking my neck with his index finger and thumb." What the fuck? What kind of big girl's blouse cries himself to sleep after getting flicked? What kind of unmanly twat actually admits it, in print and in interviews?
Let me tell you, if I had been taken captive, I may have been subjected to all sorts of horrible things, and sobbed about it until the snot ran down my nose and into my mouth, but there is no fucking way that you would get me to admit it in public after I was back home. If I were a guy, I would be talking about how the Iranians released me because they were afraid of my oversized schlong, and how all the Iranian women were hot for me after seeing me on TV, and how the Iranians thought it was a new reality show, "Iranian Idol," and how they all voted to elect me king, and said I was the best thing since the Prophet Muhammad, so that it behooved my captors to get me out of the country as soon as possible, with as many gifts as possible, so as to appease me.
The Iranians are denying any coercive techniques, so they can't naysay you without looking bad, and your fellow shipmates don't know jack, as you were all mainly kept in isolation, so why on earth would you admit to something as wimpish as crying yourself to sleep when no one knows any different without you telling them? Usually you can parlay a war story into getting your hole, but this load of shite will not even get your man a pity fuck.
Flicking. Yes, it's painful, but it's mainly irritating. It's certainly nothing to cry yourself to sleep over, even if it's Iranians doing the flicking. Anyone named "Arthur" should be well used to getting his shite kicked in, anyway. Where have the glorious traditions of English boarding schools gone to? The systematic torture and persecutions perpetrated by the bullying inmates of English boarding schools toward underclassmen were responsible for the toughening of the generations that won The Great War and defeated Hitler. Harassment and hazing put the "great" in Great Britain. Bring them back, I say, and let's have less of grown men snivelling.
P.S. -- If Arthur Batchelor is unclear as to what psychological torment is, he should try writing a blog post with a 3-year-old screaming/singing "Ride, Sally, ride!" into a microphone, 2 feet away, while the Spouse Sparrow constantly increases the volume on the TV, which is blaring out the BBC News in a hopeless attempt to drown out the Nestling Sparrow. I work under these conditions every day. Take note, Arthur, you pussy.