Monday, April 09, 2007

Epiphany, or Transient Ischemic Attack? Sometimes it's hard to tell

It dawned on me when I was watching the news footage coming out of Iran, during that latest hostage kerfluffle....

They had shown a group of Iranian college students outside the British Embassy in Tehran holding up signs that said "Execute the British," "Death to Britain," "John 3:16," etc., and it came to me that Iran must be a beautiful, lovely, civilized place, just like the Iranians keep telling people as they're kidnapping or killing them. "Why," you ask? Because their college students actually have time to protest, and are allowed to protest. "Wait," I hear you say, "Here in America, our college students can protest!" Well, yes, theoretically they can, but when was the last time you actually saw one doing it? The 70's, hmmm? Yeah, I thought so.

Today's American college student doesn't have time to protest. The costs of college are at an all-time high, so the students either get Mommy and Daddy to pay for it, or they take out loans, or they work, or all of the above. Government grants are at an all-time low, so hardly anyone goes to college for free anymore. I blame this on the Baby Boomers. See, my conspiracy theory is this: The American government, royally pissed off at college campus Vietnam-era protests and the bad press they got for Kent State, has been lowering the grant money every year since then, until it's practically nothing. The Man was pissed off that all these hippies went to school on the government's dime, and then bitched and moaned about about all the government's policies. Solution: Cut college grant funding, the students will have to work, and they will not have time to protest. In fact, even if Mommy and Daddy are paying for college, if they see their student protesting, they are likely to protest to the student, because the student probably has too much free time on their hands, and shouldn't they be studying?

So, Iran is where I will be sending the Fledgling Sparrow to college, as they obviously have excellent government educational grants, and are willing to use and appreciate their right to free speech, however un-PC it may be.

Fat Sparrow

17 comments:

Kav said...

Fat Sparrow for President. Your slogan could be "Shitting on all these other cunts". I'd vote for you.

Kav said...

If I was American, that is.

iLL Man said...

What they won't show you on Iranian television are the ones demonstrating against the government. And being beaten to within an inch of their lives for their trouble. In fact, I'm sure Bush and Cheney are more than a little envious that they haven't been able to mobilise the US student body behind them in the way the Iranian govt seem to have.

Maybe there are lessons to be learn't from our religiously deranged Persian bretheren.....

The Hangar Queen said...

The problem is one of motivation."Get the fuck out and throw rocks,petrol bombs and women at western embassies or we'll make you take a bath" seems to work well on Iranians.I wonder what we could use to threaten our students here.Gym memberships? erase the Pizza hut number from speed-dial? Salads?
Iran..the land where they murder children for being gay AND subsidize gender reassignment surgery.
What The Fuck? "Quick..lads,we're running out of women to treat like livestock.We'll have to upgrade some of the XY O.S.'s"

First Nations said...

i happen to live near a college town where the students protest at the drop of a flag. fortunately they're too remote from any of the real world to be heard so nobody cares. its civil disobedience, but without all that nasty 'putting your life on your line for the cause' nonsense.

Eddie Waring said...

I prefer to get my education like I get my religion. Mail order.

Rosicrucian and proud.

Old Knudsen said...

Sending students to Iran sounds good to me, that'll teach the bastards.

Fat Sparrow said...

Kav -- Like Americans vote, anyway? Those new electronic voting machines we have will let you vote and get a Lottery ticket at the same time, and you've got about just as much chance of your pick winning.

Ill Man -- "In fact, I'm sure Bush and Cheney are more than a little envious that they haven't been able to mobilise the US student body behind them in the way the Iranian govt seem to have."

Well, if they want to win friends and influence people, I've heard gift bags do the trick.

Devin -- "I wonder what we could use to threaten our students here."

I'll bet taking away their iPods might work. That British sailor guy really had a shit fit over that.

"Iran..the land where they murder children for being gay AND subsidize gender reassignment surgery."

See, they have so much in common with America. Why, oh why do they want to fight us?

FN -- "its civil disobedience, but without all that nasty 'putting your life on your line for the cause' nonsense."

Well, as long as they got their 15 minutes of fame in the campus newsletter.

Eddie -- "I prefer to get my education like I get my religion. Mail order."

And your brides? Or is that off the Internet?

"Rosicrucian and proud."

You can probably get a cream for that, you know.

First Nations said...

theres no cream made will help his 'rosy cross'.

dear lord i am so sorry.



not really.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

The Fledging sparrow would have to grow a willy and get it circumcised before she left for Iran. That is, if she ever expected to shake hands with a man i the normal way without them screaming Unclean! Unclean! and having her stoned.

whyioughtta said...

Speaking of conspiracy theories:

"Ischemic" doesn't appear in the Canadian Oxford, but if it did, it would appear on the same page as "Iranian," "Iraqi," "irascible," "irate," "Irish," "iron fist," "IRA," "IRS," and "Islam"...

Just saying.

NiolK said...

We in Ireland are famed for our readiness to stand up and be counted. Our method of protest is world renowned for it's effectiveness:

Step 1.) "Ah sure what can you do"
Step 2.) "Ah sure you know yourself"
Step 3.) Have a cup o' tea.

Sassy Sundry said...

Well, now, that's an interesting point, except that I think students are protesting now. I've seen them. I often wonder how much good protest does at this point, with its shock value gone, but I'm willing to blame the Baby Boomers for anything. Attention-grabbing fuckers.

Lord Milky said...

Iran? You have all the time you want to protest here in England. 8 hours a week lectures and only £20,000 debt at the end of it. Stupendous!

Fat Sparrow said...

FN -- Wow, you feigned concern very well there. I'll remember that when Oscar time rolls around. Put on a fake nose, and you'll be a shoo-in.

Sam -- "That is, if she ever expected to shake hands with a man i the normal way without them screaming Unclean! Unclean! and having her stoned."

Oh, she's used to that already. That's pretty much how I act if she doesn't use hand sanitizer.

Whyioughtta -- Very interesting point there. The plot thickens.

Niolk -- Shit, I'm Irish.

Sassy -- I remember those crazy kids protesting this and that back when I was in school. Only about half of them actually bothered voting.

Oh, those Baby Boomers! They seem to think that their 15 minutes of fame are roll-over minutes.

Lord Milky -- It makes you wonder if they've lowered the maths requirements, doesn't it?

boudica of suburbia said...

My mother used to monitor Iran and spent quite a lot of time in Tehran. She loved it. Really nothing like the stories you hear.

Also, if you ship your daughter off to Iran you lessen the risk of seeing her on Girls Gone Wild at some later date.

Fat Sparrow said...

Boudica -- That's what I figure. It's an excellent trade-off all around.