Thursday, January 18, 2007

And here you were hoping for a proper post

My lazy ass totally stole this off Andraste.

You Were a Koala

You value living life at a slow, peaceful, meditative pace.
You give insightful advice, helping others to overcome obstacles.

I fail to see what any of that has to do with a koala. Maybe it's some inscrutable, subtle, Australian thing. Anyhow, if you read it as "You are a slack bastard who never gets anything done. You tell other people how to live their lives, while doing nothing with your own," it pretty much sums me up, eerily enough.

Oh, and I pee on people when they pick me up.

Fat Sparrow


Philip said...

Does it return a different animal for you every time you try it, or have I had more past lives than most?

Since I was at work at the time, I tried the "How Sarcastic Are You?" one as well. It turns out that I am, a bit.

Sassy Sundry said...

I was an Eagle.

I wanted to be Cleopatra.

Old Knudsen said...

I am a parrot.

You are a master of language, and you use your wit to mock and tease others.
But you are also wise, and you often think carefully before you speak.

This sums me up quite well having the best blog ever etc. Ka-chow!

Eddie Waring said...

It had me as a Koala an' all. Koala's are allegedly motionless for 19 hours a day and spend the rest of the time eating, shitting and occasionally fornicating. Swap fornicating for wanking and thats me in a nutshell.

Fat Sparrow said...

Philip -- "Does it return a different animal for you every time you try it, or have I had more past lives than most?"

Damn me if it doesn't! The second time around it had me as a lizard; "You are able to bounce back from adversity and regenerate what was lost. Facing your fears and controlling your dreams comes easily for you." Which is obviously a load of whole bollocks. And here I thought I had tapped into a higher power. Foiled again.

"Since I was at work at the time, I tried the "How Sarcastic Are You?" one as well. It turns out that I am, a bit."

Really? Once again I am shocked.

Sassy -- I heard that gig was highly overrated. You have to time-share with several hundered other people who were Cleopatra also.

Old Knudsen -- Awwwwrk! Pieces of eight!

Eddie -- Yeah, that still sounds like me.

Lambent said...

I'm a parrot.

That's just dull, that is.

Face said...

AAAAHAAA HA HA! Hello! Haven't met you before, but thanks to this post I found out I am a COUGAR, so I thought I'd share the good news!
Here I was thinking I was a shy retiring type, when actually:

"You are a great leader who has dominance without ego.
You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident."

Wow! this news will change my life!

Kieran said...

That was you?

First Nations said...

koalas are all inbred and have herpes, don't they?
no really, I'm not being (any more of )a bitch (than usual). that's what I heard.
so, wow.
you were a koala.

i'm not taking this test.

Fat Sparrow said...

Lambent -- "I'm a parrot. That's just dull, that is."

Colourful plumage? (says she, trying to cheer him up)

Face -- "I am a COUGAR"

And you can use your piss to keep rabbits out of your garden!

Kieran -- What, no test result? 'Fess up; you got "panda," didn't you?

FN -- Well, that would explain my teeth and that itching sensation I've been having.

whyioughtta said...

I was a wolf. I have no witty comment for that. Because I'm hungover. Oh wait, howabout..."Hmmmm...wolf to wine-guzzling monkey...not exactly what I had in mind when I imagined reincarnation."

Ok, that comment sucked. Back to the hangover-nursing.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

A preying mantis. Then a cougar, then a zebra, then a parrot. I'm none of these things. What I really was, was not an animal even. Think more vegetable for me; think slow growing lichen on a high, lonely rock. Getting peed on by a mountain goat I liked to call Cyril, although I never knew his real name.

Foot Eater said...

I joined a posse of experienced bear-hunters in Canada once. How they laughed when they discovered I'd only ever bagged Koalas. How the grizzlies laughed, too.

Kieran said...

I got:
"You are a black panther.
You have a huge penis, lots of friends and you will die in opulence surrounded by beautiful women and the trappings of your obscene wealth. Which is what black panthers are like"

Yeah so pretty good test. I don't normally do them either.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

How're you feeling these days, sparrow? Any headway on the lupus front?

Kav said...

A fucking spider. Jesus, if I saw myself in a past life, I'd have crushed me.

Julia Buckley said...

Oh I don't know, whenever I am in need of insightful advice I always a koala.

Annie Rhiannon said...

You go through other people's bins and you stink.

boudica of suburbia said...

I'm not sure I hold with this quiz stuff... I'm not a fucking crow, aiiree?

Fat Sparrow said...

Whyioughtta -- You aren't supposed to regret comments until the morning after.

Sam -- Yes, I can see that. It reminds me of Ursula K. Le Guin's "Vaster Than Empires and More Slow."

Footie -- How they laughed when they discovered I'd only ever bagged Koalas.

You promised me you wouldn't kiss and tell, you bastard.

How the grizzlies laughed, too.

That'll teach you to take your pants down in the forest.

Kieran -- That sounds exactly like you.

Sam -- I feel like shit, sorry. I'm still undergoing all the testing. I'm on Medi-Cal, so of course I'm lower than scum, priority-wise.

For you non-California British-type people, Medi-Cal is California's version of MediCare, a state-sponsored health program. Think NHS, but with less compassion and efficiency.

Kav -- Yeah, the tree-huggers give me shit for spraying or squashing every bug that comes near me (or getting the Spouse Sparrow to do it, as I have a phobia). They generally ask something dumb like "How would you feel if you were a fly/cockroach/ant and someone killed you?" Relieved, that's how I'd feel, dumbfuck. Imagine having a phobia of yourself! What stupid questions these philosophizing people come up with.

Julia -- Ask away. I'm full of it.

Annie -- I'm so sorry. That one was obviously meant for my ex. He actually does go through people's bins, and he stinks.

Boudica -- No, I can see you as a Crow. Wait, maybe a Pawnee. No, possibly Sioux. What was the question again?

kimba said...

I was a toad.. It's a fine looking toad in the picture.. but .. still a toad is not a fine animal to be is it?

Atyllah said...


You shouldn't pee on people if you're planning on taking over the world, they don't like it. Peck out their eyes instead.

Monstee said...


Me am Monstee!!

(heh heh heh)

spoon said...

Hi funny fat sparrow! I was expecting to get a blog in your scottish accent...and i would've been prepared 'cause I recently read Buddha Da and now i'm fluent!

Fat Sparrow said...

Kimba -- Toads are good. Frogs are one of my totem animals. Frogs/toads symbolize the three stages of womanhood, rebirth, being able to handle different environments.... All kinds of good stuff.

Atyllah -- When I take over the world, I'm planning on being an evil dictator, so peeing on people is just fine. All your best dictators have had a go at it.

Monstee -- MONSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! I kinda missed you.

Spoon -- "I was expecting to get a blog in your scottish accent"

Sorry, I'm a Californian born and bred. Other than Valley Girl, I do not do accents. You'll have to go visit Old Knudsen for Scots.