Wednesday, October 25, 2006

The Village Idiot

Okay, you lot; I need some help.

Last night I let the Nestling Sparrow sit on my lap at the computer while I was surfing blogs. "What could it hurt?" I thought, in my innocence. I've let him sit with me at the computer before, as he likes to look at Monstee's site (when we can see it, still can't at the moment; we miss you, Monstee!), and he likes to press the key for the letter "J." Don't know why, but it's his favorite right now. Anyhow, he pressed something else on the keyboard (don't know what, but it had to be on the left hand side), and now almost everything we look at on the computer has microscopic font, and is wonky in other ways.

If anyone has a clue as to what the hell the Nestling Sparrow has done, and knows a possible remedy, can you e-mail me at I would really, really, appreciate it. I mean like blow-job appreciate it.

The our system is a PC, brand-spankin' new. We just got it in August. The last time I had a computer, it was mid-2001, and I don't remember jack squat about computers anymore. I used to... Well, I won't say I used to know what I was doing, but I didn't suck. I used to help other people with this kind of stuff. I remember computers as being a lot easier. You opened up the panels, gave the hamsters inside a good talking to, cleaned the shit off their wheel, and everything was okay. The computer we have now has this Cylon eye-thingie on it, I can't see where the hamsters live, and frankly, it scares me.

I also suspect that my brain has gone to mush since I have had the last kid. I am definitely getting dumber.

If I can't get this font thing fixed, I will go blind. That would be quite ironic, considering that years of masturbating didn't do it.

I'm going to the doctor's today, as my sinus infection has decided to give me 103 degree fevers (which may have something to do with my general level of stupidity and wackiness lately), but if you could e-mail me anyway, the Spouse Sparrow can check my e-mail and possibly have a go at the problem, if the Nestling Sparrow will give him any peace.

Thank you!

Fat Sparrow

Update -- I've received a couple of e-mails, but still no fixes! I still need help!



Anonymous said...

fat/spouse: mail sent.

Fat Sparrow said...

Thanks, and right back at ya.

Kieran said...

Kick it, kick it really really hard. And then call the police and say someone's broken in to your house and kicked your computer and now it doesn't work. Then call the insurance company. Then send me a blow job in the post.

Fat Sparrow said...

"Insurance"? "Police"? Honey chile, we live in the ghetto. Our insurance is guns and dogs. The police don't come out for anything less than a murder. And even then, you better tell the dispatcher that you have donuts waiting for them.

You may get a hand-job for creativity, that is all. I'll have to ask Spouse Sparrow when he wants to give it to you.

(Glad you're back, brat. We missed you!)

Kieran said...

I highly recommend Capgras Delusion by the way. He has returned, you see, like Aslan, when he went to Faliraki.

Fat Sparrow said...

I haven't looked at that before, I'll have to check it out.

Michael said...

What version of Internet Explorer are you using? for IE7 go to Page/Text Size. Or look under View on the menu.

Fat Sparrow said...

It's got the AOL Browser on there right now. Unfortunately, it's not just our Internet stuff that's muffed, it's the computer itself, e.g. the desktop, the icons, etc. It's everything. I'm doomed. I still have no idea what the little darling did to it, as nothing popped up when he did it; it just all changed, instantly. Stangely enough, some things, like Clairwil's blog, view just fine; they weren't changed at all. It's driving me batty, because not only am I a creature of habit, but I am a fucking arteeste as well, and am highly picky about my fonts, etc. Here I was looking forward to eventually changing to Beta Blogger, so I can quit reading HTML books, and now I will still be fucked even when on Beta. It's enough to make a bird cry. Thanks for the help, anyway.