Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Spouse Sparrow talks about: Benders like Beckham

Football, Futbol or Soccer; no matter what you call it, it's 22 guys chasing each other in shorts, while kissing, hugging and patting each other's arses or pouting like a child if it doesn't go their way. What a load of wank.

I'm not much of a team player. Sports have never interested me. I'm not competitive enough, I guess. At school I was always last picked for a team and I never saw the need to exert myself to put a ball into any kind of net. As for watching sports, now that's what I call boring.

Being working class in Northern Ireland meant that football was very important, almost sacred. Never say "It's only a game" to die-hard fans during a World Cup match; you may not survive.

When I worked in a warehouse, it was a mostly male environment, so this led to footie being the main topic of discussion. Well, that and booking holidays to Spain. One of my fellow storemen had a son that played for one of the local teams, so this made him a celebrity by proxy. I usually ended up being the only one working most of the time, as with each new customer would come an opinion about football, or the workers that see each other everyday would have to have a frequent, vital, and long conversation about a match or a player. The most useless thing there is, is a sports fan that smokes. They never get anything done; by the time they have had a talk, a smoke, and gone for a shit (with the newspaper) it's time for their tea break.

Is there anything more ironic than a big fat f**ker wearing a sports shirt and talking about how so & so are lazy on the pitch?

Go on, ask me about the Glens and the Blues and I'll stab you in the eye with a pen.

My two-year-old son knows what soccer is, thanks to "The Backyardigans." He plays at being a "Soccer Monster" and goes around shouting "SOCCER!" So now he knows the sport and even uses the silly American name for it, great, nice one. The thing is that he can actually kick a ball; straight, either foot, at a stand still or a run. This is more than I can do. I can see myself running about kicking a ball in my old age, a thing I have managed to avoid in my youth. Coming from Northern Ireland a heart attack may be my only escape. I'll think about it as I fry my eggs and bread for breakfast tomorrow.

Spouse Sparrow


Kieran said...

You were one of my favourite sparrows, but now...now you are dead to me. I have no sparrow.

Old Knudsen said...

How can ya no like football? are ya gay? well come over to my blog then lad, we're painting nails, the nails are actually believed to be from the cross of christ, fun with the gurls.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

But it's the universal language isn't it? You could stand in line at the United nations that is the LA INS and ask "Pele or Maradonna?". In ten minutes or so you'd have people debating in a thousand tongues and waving their rolled up newspapers and reenacting legendary goals and, if you're really lucky, a riot, leaving you free to sidle your way unnoticed up to the head of the normally 4-sodding-hour-long queue.

That is A Beautiful Game.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Any sport in which 6'4" Peter Crouch, tiny wee barrel-chested Wayne Rooney and the beauty that is Zidane can all be stars is worth a look-see at least, no?

Fat Sparrow said...

Ooops, Dear, Kieran's gone off you. I guess that explains the horse's head in the bed this morning.

Old Knudsen -- You auld buggerer, of course he's not gay! He likes me, doesn't he?! Check out the ta-tas! I'm all woman.

Sam -- "Any sport in which 6'4" Peter Crouch, tiny wee barrel-chested Wayne Rooney and the beauty that is Zidane can all be stars is worth a look-see at least, no?"

To put it succintly: No.

I'm with the Spouse Sparrow on this one. It's a beautiful thing to find a man that would rather spend with me than watch sports.

Foot Eater said...

I'm with the Spouse Sparrow too, as I hate football (there are better things to do with feet than pound them against pigskin). Then again, I'd agree with any point of view that Old Knudsen opposes.