Thursday, October 26, 2006

My lump, my lump, my volar wrist ganglion cyst bump

As promised, I finally went to the doctor, and guess what he told me, guess what he told me?

Nothing; my doctor's a girl, remember?

I have a sinus infection. I knew that one, as I get them all the time. Antibiotics for two weeks, yada yada, yada yada, thing. I still have my fever, but I am starting to feel better, and at least I can sleep now. So, you can all stop being afraid of whatever delirious comments you were a-feared of me putting on your blogs. I will be no worse than usual now. Sleep is good, as I was not getting much of it, due to feeling icky, and between that and the fever I was quite goofy.

The lump on my wrist is a ganglion cyst, but as it has gone down a lot, the doctor doesn't feel I need to do anything about it right now. She says they're quite common. I don't think that's very valid, as I am used to getting obscure diseases, but I suppose the common-ness of you lot has rubbed off on me. Maybe I should bathe more often. My arm stopped hurting a bit back, but started up again since the doctor felt the need to pulverize my wrist bones while feeling up my bump.

A picture of my actual doctor. Note the ruthless gaze, intent on causing pain
and suffering.

My doctor looked at me as if I were Queen of the Mongs when I told her about that motion-sickness I get during sex. She put me on an anti-nausea pill (one of the many uses Phenergan has), and explained the side effects. I told her I had been on it before, and she asked me what side effects I had experienced. I did my best impression of a sleepwalking, snoring zombie. "Ah, sedative effect," she noted in my chart. She said "Your husband may not like that one, you being sleepy during sex." I replied "No, it's probably not a problem. He likes it when they lie still." The Spouse Sparrow was not amused. It's true though, dammit. I wake up with my nether regions all sticky, and ask him "Did we have sex?" He says "Well, I did."

Kids are their own form of birth control, and especially when they're in a crib in the same room as you. We turned on the TV in the bedroom the other day for the Nestling Sparrow, so that we could have a bit of a lie-in. The Spouse Sparrow and I start spooning, and I then I hear Diego on the TV saying "Come on, let's ride the whale! Vamanos!" and the Spouse Sparrow says "Oh yeah, baby, ride the whale!" The Nestling Sparrow pipes up with "I want to ride the whale, too!" Bah, possible sex session over.

You know, between the Nestling Sparrows constant tantrums, nighttime wakings, refusal to eat solid food, potty train, or even let us have sex, I am suspecting that he may not want a sibling. He could have just said so.

Fat Sparrow


Old Knudsen said...

Is it true you're renaming yourself 'Ill Sparrow?'

I used to get sex sickness at sea, thankgod for cabin boys.

fumier said...

Your doctor is hot. Does she do house calls (in Hong Kong)?

Fat Sparrow said...

Old Knudsen -- Piss off, the only reason you're so healthy is that you suck off young boys' stem cells.

Fumier -- The question you need to ask is: "Is it safe?" This woman is a single-handed instrument of torture. You like it when they hurt you, huh? You sick bastard.

Anonymous said...

You fucker, I just snorted with laughter at my desk at Spouse Sparrow's skill.

"Well, I did." Genius.

Actually, I once went out with this girl who.....wait, never mind.

Andraste said...

Nausea during sex? I've had that, but the cause was the booze that got me there in the first place. I've noted recently that sex is like one of those parties you're invited to, and you accept, but the day of, you just don't feel like it, and contemplate not going, but you go anyway because you said you would. Once you get there, it's fine and you have a lovely time, but working up the energy and desire to go was a bitch.

hungbunny said...

I used to have one of those ganglions on my wrist and it disappeared of its own accord. They used to advocate smashing them with a bible, so if you're in a rush to get rid of it...

Philip said...

My sinus, a feverish lump;
On my wrist, a gratuitous bump;
And from my poor brain
The blood tends to drain,
And cause headfucks whenever I hump.

Fat Sparrow said...

Kav -- The Spouse Sparrow does crack me up a lot.

Andraste -- Wow, I thought that was just me, due to the kids.

HungBunny -- Oh, so it was you I caught it from!

Philip -- I'm having that tattooed on my ass. Will you sign it for me?

Philip said...

Why there? Are you from a family of backward readers?

Fat Sparrow said...

I'm just trying to get you to touch my ass. It's my new goal in life.

fumier said...

I think I'm in love, FS - give me her number.

Fat Sparrow said...

Fumier -- What, even with the Valley Girl accent?! Did you not read my previous posts?! And what about HH?! How will I ever find out if they were raising the baby for food or not, if you run off with my doctor?! How many sentences can I end with a question mark and an exclamation point?!

PI said...

I was going to tell you how they treated gangliions in the olden days - but hung funny got there first. I wonder how many people ended up with a fractured wrist?
don't try it at home!

Fat Sparrow said...

Pat -- I'm pretty sure my sadistic doctor was considering this method, as she probably thinks it's cheaper and easier than aspirating it.

Annie Rhiannon said...

I had a ganglion cyst on my wrist. I went to the doctor, who told me to ignore it. Then one day six months later I woke up and it wasn't there anymore.

Fat Sparrow said...

Mine was just the reverse; I woke up one day, and it was there. It's gone down almost all the way now, though. Wait, that sounded kinda dirty.

Geoff said...

I just(well 5 months ago now) had my ganglion removed in my left wrist - it still is not right, still hurts and can't load my wrist at all. My advice if it doesn't worry you to much leave it alone. I had one on my right wrist about 5 yrs ago (on and of for 10yrs) it went away. But the left slowly got worse and worse so had to do something.
Can see my story at

Fat Sparrow said...

Geoff -- I will probably take that advice, as I wasn't joking about my doctor being scary and bloodthirsty. She looks so innocent, but I know better.

I had linked to your story in my original post, as yours was the most well-documented removal with pictures that I could find (well done!).

If push comes to shove, I will seriously consider whacking it with a book before I let my crazed doctor do anything, other than refer me to a specialist! I had been soaking it in a warm bath, and pushing on it about 30 or 40 times a day, and what do you know, the bump has gone down, and the pain and stiffness with it.

Now that I got the doctor's confirmation of what it is, and I don't have to worry about aliens intent on world domination bursting out of my wrist, I think my bump and I will be just fine.

Thanks for your advice. It's good to hear it from someone who has been there, done that.