Friday, October 20, 2006

Currying favor

You fucking whore!

No, not Belinda Cockbox, although she is undoubtedly one, too.

The Spouse Sparrow.

Me: (typing away at the computer) "Mmmm, that smells good! What is that you're cooking?

Spouse Sparrow: "Cauliflower."

Me: "You twat, cauliflower is not the nice smell that I smell. Cauliflower smells like aged dog farts."

Spouse Sparrow: "Must be the chicken, then."

Me: "Well, what are you doing to it? It smells really good."

Spouse Sparrow: (no answer)

An hour or so later....

Spouse Sparrow: (sits down in front of the TV with plate of food, quietly munches away)

Me: "Is that curry I smell?

Spouse Sparrow: (no answer)

Me: "You fucking whore! That is curry! Wanker!"

Spouse Sparrow: (shoveling curry into his gob as fast as possible) "No, it isn't. It's chicken and chips. You don't like chicken and chips, remember?"

Me: "Fuck you; that is curry."

Spouse Sparrow: (shovels food in faster)

Me: (gets up, goes in kitchen, looks in pots and pans on stove) "You bastard, you fixed curry, and you weren't even going to tell me!"

Fledgling Sparrow: (who is half-way through her dinner of left-over pot roast) "Mom! He fixed curry! That's not fair!"

Spouse Sparrow: (shovels in last of food, begins to lick curry sauce off plate)

Me: (plaintive and pathetic) "Can I have some? I take back all I said, really. I'm sure your parents were married, honest-like."

Spouse Sparrow: (evil grin)

I'm sure he'll make me pay for this later, but right now, I've got curry, hahahaha.

Fat Sparrow


Anonymous said...

I have never understood this fascination with "fixing food". Was the curry broken or something?

Fat Sparrow said...

I'll say it needs fixed. Have you tasted British food at all? Or do you just hope for the best and swallow quickly?

Pam said...

It's all about the curry.

Anonymous said...

Fix me some vittles, woman. What sort of fuckin shite is that?

And by the way, I left a comment on this fucking fuck of a blog yesterday and the cunting thing has disappeared. I'm not happy.

FS I have so many things to post about and no time to do it. Hurry up and win the lottery.

Anonymous said...

And by christ I forgot to comment on the curry. I have to say, if someone was cooking curry, and didn't give me any, I'd gut them using only my bare hands.

A mate of mine, a genuine spice aficionado, once spent two hours one evening after work making a curry. Just as he sat down at the tv to gorge himself on the steaming plate, it slid off his knees, onto the carpet.

He ate it off the carpet. A dedicated curry man, I tell thee.

Belinda Cockbox said...

i think you did that wrong. i would have bent over given him a good view of my rear cockbox and he'd make me curry forever.

SpouseSparrow said...

After all the complaints I've heard about Brit food (curry being a British invention) what can you expect?

Fat Sparrow said...

Pam -- It's all about me sucking ass, now, if I hope to ever enjoy the wondrousness that is Spouse Sparrow's curry again.

Kav -- Something must be up with Blogger, as I have e-mail notification for comments left, and I'm not getting e-mails for some of them. Sorry, pet.

As for that Lottery win, we do keep hoping.

You definitely win for the funniest curry story. "Ate it off the carpet" ah, curry with fiber, excellent.

Belinda -- After a look at your cockbox, even the Indians would swear off curry forever.

Spouse Sparrow -- You lazy fuck, you didn't even sign in with your avatar! Erm, I mean, "I love you!"

Foot Eater said...

However much you may feel alone when among friends or family who are eating curry while you are not, console yourself with the knowledge that the following morning you will be pissing your pants laughing while they suffer the diabolical screaming shits.

I think Mahatma Gandhi said that.

Belinda Cockbox said...

my cocbox brings all the boys to the yard. i tink ur jeleous sparrow. wanna mud wrestle?????

Fat Sparrow said...

Footie -- Gandhi was a fucker. I could totally kick his shit in. In fact, I'd have liked to have a chance to kick his shit in, and then everyone would have seen what a lying bastard he is. "Non-violent," my arse.

I am very sure that I can provoke anyone in to taking a swing at me.

When a 5 foot tall girl starts kicking his crap in, he may not fight back at first, but then he'll think, "What the fuck, why am I getting a beating from a girl?!" and then he will fight back, and then I will point and laugh.

Belinda -- "wanna mud wrestle?????"

As long as it's at the day spa, and you're paying.

And I am not jealous. Bitch.

Old Knudsen said...

You Curry loving hoor bags, just cut out the middle man and throw it down the bog.

Belinda Cockbox said...

Sorry Fat Sparrow but you know I get upset when people laff at my cockbox. i'm sensitive and have ritten 2 poms this week alone.

Fat Sparrow said...

Old Knudsen -- Speak for yourself, you incontinent old fucker.

Belinda -- I'm sure you are sensitive, or at least your snatch is. Jesus, with what that poor cockbox has been through, it's probably raw. You should get a cream for that.

Philip said...

"Is that curry I smell?" ... "I take back all I said, really."

From favouring curry to currying favour in less than a minute.

philip's drummer said...

Ba-doom tish!

Philip said...

My drummer used to work in the upholstery business, but never made it big. That's how my drummer became a poor cushionist.

Fat Sparrow said...

Slow day at home, Philip?

That's all right; you can come on over and make me groan when whenever you want to.