Poor Iran. They seem to have a bit of an image problem right now. They want to have their uranium cakes, and eat them too. Slagging off Israel, an ugly president, the threat of U.N. sanctions, that pesky "democracy" problem.... What's a country to do?
The answer, of course, is proper marketing and advertising. Now, I know what you're thinking, and yes, it's going to take quite a lot of work. I remember that nasty hostage crisis, and how on earth can they recover from that whole Ayatollah Khomeini funeral procession thing? When the people of your country pull apart your deceased former leader like a bunch of chavs going after a bucket of chicken from KFC, and the video is seen 'round the world; well, let's just say that people are going to remember that.
Proper marketing is really going to cost you, but luckily I work for cheap. So, Iran, take my advice, and you'll be a world leader in no time.
First, you need to change the name of your country. Well, not really change, so much as alter. I mean, you don't want to lose brand identification, but these are much hipper times than when you were first founded. I was thinking of something catchy, like "iRan." You want to jump in and corner the market on this right away, before Iraq scoops you on this one. Strike while the reactor's hot, and all that.
"iRan" is bound to appeal to the youngsters of today, with their music and their jiggy dancing and their burkas-gone-wild. It will especially appeal to the youngsters in iRan, of which you have rather a lot, as they will think it's progressive. This will definitely get their votes. Whatever political party is using this, for whatever purpose, will have the kids behind them. Make it a point to ridicule them if they don't support it, and get it out on T-shirts, quickly. Tell them "It's not your parent's iRan." They'll get the message.
Now, for the outside world. Those pesky infidels. You love them, you hate them, you need to sell them your oil. "iRan" works great for them, too. Fortunately this is a marketing technique known worldwide. Also, you really need to play up the fact that Persian chicks are hot. I know, I know, this may go against the grain, what with that budding Islamofascism and all, but believe me, it will work. You will instantly enjoy a name-brand association that sets you apart in the Muslim world, as a good majority of the Islamic women we infidels see are in veils and burkas.
You don't have to worry about beating Iraq to the punch on this one, as we have all seen Iraqi women on the news and they are fucking ugly. The only thing I can think of to explain the ugliness of Iraqi women is that the Iraqi men got "haram" and "harem" confused. Oh, you like that one, do you, iRan? Dumb fuckers, the Iraqis, but that's how Saddam bred them, so what can you do? You know what I mean, don't you, iRan? Another pint, iRan? No, no, I've got it.
It was great meeting with you, iRan, and I have a lot more tips for you. These are just the teasers, to let you know what I can do for you. Here's my card, iRan. E-mail me when you're ready. I take Pay Pal.