Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My in-laws are fucking brilliant

I love the Spouse Sparrow's family, with the kind of true, pure love that can only come from having awful experiences with my own family, and my ex-husband's family. My ex-mother-in-law was a nosy, interfering bitch that I had to deal with on an almost-daily basis, as they lived near-by, and she made my life a living hell.

I have never met my current in-laws; they live half-way around the world, in Northern Ireland. I doubt I will ever meet them, as they are elderly, and will not go 20 miles from their home, let alone fly, and the only way we could afford to visit them is if we won the lottery. I suppose that is one reason they are so wonderful; they can never become the kind of horrible in-laws that insist that you take their advice on child-rearing, sex, life, religion, etc., and slag you off if you do not.

Even if they were here, though, I cannot imagine that they would be that type, anyway. For one thing, they are in their late 70's, and they've mellowed a lot, according to my husband's older sister. My husband, Spouse Sparrow, was the youngest in the family, so he had it easy. Plus, my mother-in-law is dead funny. My husband's ex-wife and her mother are Pentecostals, and the very first time my husband's mom met his ex-wife's mom, she asked her, "So, you're in a cult, then?" That is my kind of lady.

My in-laws could have been really nasty to me, what with Spouse Sparrow divorcing his wife and leaving her for me, and him moving half-way around the world to live in Butt Fuck, America, but they were most understanding about it all. They even, get this, send me money on my birthday. They also do the same for my daughter, the Fledgling Sparrow (their step-granddaughter), and our son, the Nestling Sparrow, their grandson. They also send all of us money at Christmas. This is the kind of thing that will definitely get you in to heaven, in my book.

And, to top all of this off, my husband's older sister just sent us $300 so that we could buy a hedge trimmer for my husband's landscaping business. It would have taken us years, literally, to save up that kind of money. I would name our next child after her, if she did not have the female version of my ex-husband's name.

And, with all this largesse from my husband's family, there is no guilt attached. None of that "Why haven't you called me/wrote me/visited me/performed oral sex on me" that I used to get from my ex-husband's family.

My in-laws are fucking brilliant.

Fat Sparrow

2 comments:

Annie Rhiannon said...

That was a kind and touching tribute.

Fat Sparrow said...

Thank you. With them being British, it would embarrass the hell out of them if I said anything directly to them, so on my blog it goes.