Tuesday, September 05, 2006

God has cursed South Dakota

South Dakota is suffering the effects of a rather bad drought right now, the worst they have seen since the 1930's Dust Bowl era (which caused my Okie Grandma to pack up her tent and move to California to pick fruit).

I have to wonder why Pat Robertson has not commented on this disaster afflicting South Dakota, as it is obviously the cause of God, who is very angry with the South Dakotans, what with them banning abortion and all, not excepting cases of rape or incest, even.

Pat Robertson (whose real first name is "Marion," by the way) has been very quick to slag off people in other areas of the world whom he is sure that God has cursed, such as the School Board in Pennsylvania that voted to get rid of Intelligent Design, the people in any of the countries that were hit by the tsunami, the earthquake in Pakistan, the earthquake in Indonesia, and the people affected by Hurricane Katrina, etc. He has stated, unequivocally, that these disasters were the definite result of God cursing these people, and if anyone would know about being cursed by God, it would be a man named "Marion."

As far as I know, South Dakotans have been a fairly innocuous people, other than their slaughtering Native Americans 100+ years ago, so it must be their ban on abortion that was brought the wrath of God (not to be confused with the "Wrath of Khan", which I believe causes worms to crawl in your ears) down upon them.

I am fully confident that once Pat Robertson realizes why God is angry with South Dakota, he will call for the ban on abortion to be overturned. I have written to him, via his website (he was asking for it; it's called the "Your Bring It On Question Center"), and I encourage you to do the same. Here is my letter:

"Dear Mr. Robertson --
You have stated that God has cursed the areas that were hit by various natural disasters over the past few years. Can you not see that He has done the same thing to South Dakota, causing a drought to afflict the same people that have voted to ban abortion? I am surprised you have not denounced South Dakota, as God obviously has.

Thank you,

Fat Sparrow

We'll have to wait and see if he responds; I even gave him my e-mail addy.

Fat Sparrow


Me! said...
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Me! said...

If God's the cause of it all then I say we get an international 'peace' force together and go and blast the shithole out of him.

For fucks sake! There is no god, only bastards who like 'Marion' to make us feel guilty everytime we exhale.

Mr Marion 'gay named' Robertson,

Tsunamis are caused by earthquakes you frighole. Earthquakes are caused by shifting plates. Hurricanes are caused and worsened by the warmer oceans, which are due to global warming. Where the fuck does god factor into all this? If you or your evil bastard God ever show your face on my patch of earth, then look out!

Yes, I am a catholic.

Anonymous said...

God’s an insufferable bastard. When you do something right, like banning abortion, he’s right up in your face with a draught. See, a draught isn’t the end of the world. A draught is like god’s way of saying, “I’ve got my eyes on you and one good deed ain’t shit.”

Anyways what the hell is god going to do to you in the Dakotas? Make it flatter? Maybe he figures a draught will add a little excitement to your life or maybe even encourage you to leave and actually move somewhere you can experience life.

Hey, maybe this is god’s way of saying, “Thanks for banning abortion, now you deserve to live somewhere where you won’t think of suicide over your morning coffee everyday.”

So Pat may be right after all.

Fat Sparrow said...

Yep, they should definitely move, but not next to me.

I heard that New Orleans has a lot of houses available, and God seems to be done fucking over that area, so maybe they should try there.

Of course, those South Dakotans would probably die of shock if they ever saw one of them colored fellers in person.