Friday, September 15, 2006

Conversations with the Spouse Sparrow

Some of the many reasons why I love the Spouse Sparrow.....

We are sitting on the couch, the Spouse Sparrow at his end, me at mine, and he is flipping channels while I sort through the crapalanche of bills to be paid. He settles at something on PBS, about baseball, for a moment. I, paying no attention, am searching through the pile of papers, envelopes, crushed spiders, etc.

He is quiet for a moment, and then says, "Bit of bad luck, that. But weren't they asking for it?"

"What's that?" I mutter.

"Naming your baby 'Lou Gehrig.' Bound to get that disease, don't you think?"

I turn away, so that he cannot see the grin on my face. I will not give that cheeky bastard the satisfaction of seeing me laugh.


I am at the computer one night, trying to think and type at the same time, which is normally not difficult for me, and the Spouse Sparrow is watching TV. He has chanced upon some music video while channel-surfing, and left it there. The music is extremely annoying, with a lot of repetitive, high-pitched yapping, and it is seriously getting on my nerves.

Without turning in my chair, I snap, "That crap is really shite, and irritating besides!"

The Spouse Sparrow replies, "No doubt."

I turn around to glare at him, to find Gwen Stefani filling the TV screen.


"So. Have your legs and foot recovered from the cramps from last night?" the husband says, referring to him getting his hole off of me the previous night.

"Yes. Although I've been thinking about going to the doctor's. I've been getting really queasy after we have sex," I reply.

"I'm not surprised. I've had that effect upon many a woman in my time. You're not about to turn lezzy, are you?" asks the Spouse Sparrow.

"Why? Did Gillian Anderson call for me? No? Well, you're safe, then. And no, it's not you. I think I'm getting motion sickness from the sex, actually," I respond.

"Well, go see the doctor, then. But I'm not going to be in the room with you when you're talking about us having sex," says the husband. "It's no good; the doctor will just want to ride me, too, then. You won't like sharing."

"You'd ride my doctor?" I ask, in amazement.

"Sure, why not? I've never had a Chink before. Of course, she's a wee little Chinese thing, so I'd probably have to have another one right after."

He managed to say that with a straight face, the bastard. I cannot believe he sets me up for these.

Fat Sparrow


Kieran said...

He's a genius, that's what he is.

Fat Sparrow said...

And good in bed, too, but don't tell him; it will go to his head.

Hmmm, maybe I should start renting him out. Some extra cash would come in handy. "Spouse Sparrow -- Expat Gigolo."

Me! said...

And good in bed, too, but don't tell him; it will go to his head.

Isn't that what you want my dear?