Thursday, August 17, 2006

You, a person of culture? It is to laugh

I recently read a story about big-butted Columbian ants, and the people who eat them.

This is wrong, so very wrong. Ants are not food, unless you are an anteater.

One time, at band camp, I went to take a drink of my soda, and there was an ant on it, and it got in my mouth, and it tasted really, really, nasty. That's what ants do. They have this substance, called formic acid, that they produce, just so they taste blechh. I do not believe that covering them in chocolate would help.

I can understand the native peoples of Columbia eating them, because maybe they do not have nice food. And Columbia is a big jungle, and many people are poor, and jungles have lots and lots of bugs. But it is not right for them to dip them in chocolate, and sell them at Harrods. That is what happens when you let camel jockeys buy your department stores.

The dirty Frenchies are eating them, too, as they will eat any old shite. They are an imported delicacy in France, and the stinky frog-eaters compare these horrid, one-inch long ants to caviar. This is not a fair comparison, as caviar is a lovely food, and does not, as my husband insists, taste like semen. Please do not ask me how he knows what semen tastes like. I do not want to know myself.

You should not, under any circumstances, eat anything with more than four legs. You should never, never eat anything with six legs, AND wings. You certainly should not charge $1.50 each for the "privilege" of eating bugs. If you paid me $1.50, I would not even look at one close up. You should not consider yourself a cultured person, and look down your long Gallic nose at Americans, while slagging them off, if you are eating ants. You should put the ant back in the box, and go eat a Big Mac.

Fat Sparrow

No comments: