Friday, August 18, 2006

You cannot make this shit up

For those of you who were wondering about the "Mongo" picture I had posted in a previous entry, I am just thrilled to be able to tell you that this is an actual photo, from our actual local newspaper, about an actual local summer camp for actual local Mongos, in our actual local mountains, not too far from our house (actually).

It is not, I repeat not, a PhotoShopped picture. I am very flattered that any of my readers could assume that I am computer-savvy enough to be able to use a computer photo editing program, but I assure you that this is not the case.

If you have any doubts, please refer to my e-mail addy, which is TheFatSparrow@aol.com. Please note the "@aol.com" part. This is my genuine, bona fide certification that I am a computer fuckwit. To me, "photo shop" is the place around the corner, where I go to get my 35mm film developed, as I am such a loser that I do not even have a digital camera.

I was going to put a link up to the Mongo picture, but the fuckers at the newspaper won't let me access the article without charging me $2.95. Sorry, but I am not willing to pay those kinds of outrageous prices to humor you twats. If any of you idiots are willing to pay that, you can find it at The Press Enterprise, titled "Lessons in Resilience," dated August 13, 2006. Please e-mail me if you do, so that I can make fun of you, oops, I mean "immortalize you in the posts of my blog."

Continuing in the same vein of "You Cannot Make This Shit Up," we have my latest offering, an ad that is running in our local Pennysaver. The ad reads, "Free used hooker for fishing. Call Blonde (951) 681-0486."

I am encouraging everyone to call. The international country code for America is "001" (America made up the rules for the phone structure setup, so obviously we're #1). Make sure you dial 001-1-951-681-0486. I am sure the advertiser will be very, very happy to get a nationwide and international response to their ad. If you do call, please, please let me know. You will have my utmost admiration, as you will obviously have quite a set on you.

You might also ask them if the hooker will accompany you to other recreational activities, or if fishing is the only one that the hooker is interested in. Since the hooker is interested in fishing, you may also want to ask if the hooker has caught crabs. In the interest of quality assurance, you might ask them just how "used" the hooker is; if the hooker has been used hard, she/he may not be such a bargain, even if the hooker is free.

Fat Sparrow

No comments: