Saturday, August 19, 2006

Will the Virgin mind if you eat her out?

It seems that the Virgin Mary has appeared again, this time in some chocolate drippings.

Now, you may doubt that Jesus's Mom would appear to people in chocolate drippings, grilled cheese sandwiches, or tortillas, but you have to remember that this is America, and we are big, fat fucks, and the only thing that we will pay attention to is food or TV. The Virgin cannot demean Herself by appearing on "The OC" (like there are any virgins on there, anyway; She would stand out like a sore thumb amongst all those teenage whores), so food it is.

I personally believe that the chocolate drippings look like the Virgin Mary. I have several statuettes of her around my house, as Mary is my Homegirl, and they do resemble the chocolate drippings. But, there are also dildos that look like the Virgin Mary, so you have to wonder.

The people who own the chocolate drippings have enclosed it in a glass box, and keep it air-conditioned, so that it will not melt. They have far more fortitude than I do, obviously. If I had that chocolate in front of me, I would have eaten it eventually, even if I truly believed that it was the Virgin Mary, which leads us to an interesting question: If you ate the Virgin Mary, would you go to hell? I can't find anything about it in the Bible, although it says that eating Jesus is okay. In fact, eating Jesus is actually a required thing, if you can believe that. Go figure. I think that if eating Jesus was so important, they should definitely make him out of chocolate, and then more people would want to eat him, as he would be tasty.

I'm going to write to my good friend Benny, who also happens to be The Pope, and tell him my suggestions. I think you should do the same; he just loves to hear from people who have new suggestions for how the Church can be improved.

Fat Sparrow

1 comment:

Old Knudsen said...

In the same vein as the Lil Baby Jesus Butt plug, this Mary looks like a Butt plug thats been used, and they put it in a glass box, those Catholics are just so anal.

Up the bum no babies, thats in the Bible you know,(somewhere at the back).