Segway has released its new models, including one that's supposed to be the equivalent of an SUV, with 4-wheel-drive. Someone should tell them things with 4-wheel-drive are supposed to have four wheels. I would have thought that one was kind of a no-brainer. The new models of Segways even come with an alarm, although the spokesperson said Segway thefts are not generally a problem. Imagine that, no one wanting to steal a Segway.
Segway insists that they are doing quite well financially, although they will not release any financial details of their company. I cannot believe that they are doing all that well, because who the fuck would buy one of these things? The inventor, Dean Kamen, obviously does not understand the American market. The only people who can ride Segways are young, fit people; the same kind of people who make a fetish of exercise, and ride bikes when they have cars that work perfectly fine. They are not likely to ride something that will not tone their butts, and makes them look like a doofus, besides.
If Segway wants to corner the American market, they should not charge $6,000.00 (which is the price of a small car, for fuck's sake) for something that does not have a seat, and will not keep the rain off of you. If they want to succeed, Segway should study the Personal Scooter and "Power Chair" market, which is booming in America.
Personal Scooters have become very, very popular amongst the fat and unhealthy geezer crowd. Personal Scooters have seats, and they make them in heavy-duty models, which is important, as Americans are big fat fucks, and they have baskets on the front and back, so you have someplace to stash your cigarettes and oxygen tanks while you mow down young people on the sidewalks. You can drive them with one hand, so that you can easily flick your cigarette butts down when you have finished. If you have a Personal Scooter, you can board the bus first, and take up the entire front half, while giving dirty looks to all the people who are still relatively skinny enough to walk.
Personal Scooters are also very popular in stores, such as Wal-Fuck, who provide them for their "disabled" customers to use while shopping. It is quite amusing to see the fat, wheezing white trash customers fight to get one on a Saturday, as there are usually only 2 Personal Scooters per store.
It is truly amazing that now, in America, you can be considered disabled just because you ate your way to a weight of 500 lbs., and cannot be arsed to diet or exercise. These people act as if they are so put upon, claiming that the airlines, movie theaters, public transportation systems, and McDonald's are discriminating against them because they do not have seats big enough to fit their wide-load asses. These lardos get really cranky about it, too. I thought fat people are supposed to be jolly. Making average-weight people afraid of you is not likely to help your cause. The only reason skinny people accommodate these fatties at all is because they are afraid of being eaten. In the back of their heads, every time they see a fat person, they hear Fat Bastard yelling "Get in my belly!" and they want to back slowly away, so that they are out of arm's reach. Unfortunately, with the advent of Personal Scooters, the fat people can now chase them down, and eat them.
I think fat people should have more sports that they can participate in, other than eating contests, which are always won by some Jap that maybe weighs 90 lbs. dripping wet, and I think they should copy the Segway people, who have invented "Segway polo." The fat scooter people can play polo with hooks instead of polo clubs, and use doughnuts instead of polo balls. Breaks will be allowed for cigarettes and oxygen tank recharging. It will be very patriotic, as only Americans will be fat enough to join. Sign up now.