Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Miscellaneous name-dropping

I highly recommend that you all scurry over to Old Knudsen's blog, as he is really asking for it this time. Catch up now, before the Prods do him in. Old Knudsen can only hope that the Ulster Frys do Mad Dog in before Mad Dog has a chance to get poor Old Knudsen (what with that wooden leg and all, he can't run very fast anymore).

And, just to warn you, I will now be posting about my cats. I was wary about turning this into a kitty blog, but if the intrepid Harry Hutton can do it, I can surely ride on his coat-tails, dammit.

I was re-reading Foot Eater's blog, and I was inspired by his post on Iran's president's blog, and my own experiences in the world of bad blogs, to come up with a new project. I suggest that we learn how to say "Your blog sucks" in as many languages as possible. This will be extremely useful, as we can leave the "Your blog sucks" in the blogger's comments section, in their native language. As I am an American, and vastly lacking in any languages other than English and Spanish, I would appreciate some help. Please do not make me do research; being an American, I am a lazy fucker.

Also, if any of you wiseacres posts a comment on here about how this blog sucks, I will put a curse on you that will make your penis turn green and break out in open, oozing sores. Don't think that you can get a cream for that; you will be properly fucked.

Fat Sparrow


johnnyboy said...

I suppose that would be "Votre blogue suce", in french, if you're going the literal route - which unfortunately won't mean anything to a frenchman, apart from perhaps an invitation to fellate his computer.

More meaningful options could be:
- Votre blogue est merdique.
- Votre blogue pue.
- Votre blogue est plus ringard qu'un 45 tours de Dick Rivers.

Note that I use the polite 2nd person plural form - I believe one should remain curteous even while being an arsehole.

Fat Sparrow said...

Ah ha! I knew someone out there would speak some kind of dirty foreigner tongue!

Actually, "Please fellate your computer" doesn't sound too bad. Especially if said computer is plugged in.

Now, for the first one, I would have thought that was "Your blog is the shit," which of course is a compliment.

The second one obviously has something to do with Pepe Le Pew.

And for the third, I had to Google "Dick Rivers" (not as good of a name as "Dick Trickle," but what can you do?) and my opinion of the French has sunk even lower, if such a thing is possible. Fuck me, but he is ugly.

And I don't know who Google thinks they're fooling -- that "automatically translate into English" thing for a website is crap -- Dick Rivers' website in English "Dick Rivers -- Rocker In The Middle Tending," indeed.

I had an easier time reading it in French, which is really saying something. How many extra letters do you need to put in to French words to emphasize the fact that I can't pronounce any of them, and that they should all sound as if you've shoved a handful of marbles and a stick of butter in your mouth?

Ah well, never mind all that; thanks for the help!

johnnyboy said...

Not only is he ugly, but he thinks he's Roy Orbison. Or Elvis. Or some other dead guy with dyed hair. You should see him live, trying to look seductive and american - funny as shit.
Speaking of which, the concept of The Shit being a good thing hasn't hit the french language at this point.
I bleieve the marbles n' butter technique is best applied to swedish. To properly speak french, you must purse your lips into the shape of a hen's asshole.

Fat Sparrow said...

Ugh. Elvis creeps me out, always has. Roy Orbison's not much better.

See him "live"? He looks like death warmed over, and at this hour of the morning, I should know. Maybe he thinks dead American singers look seductive. I wouldn't put it past him; he looks like one sick fucker.

I'm sure the concept of "The Shit" will hit French at some point, after which they will promptly denounce it as an American plot.

And thanks for the tip on the lip pursing. See, that's why I could never get the French pronunciation before. I'll just think of my ex-husband naked, and that should put my face in to the proper sour form.