Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Bruce Springsteen is a nit on a homeless wanker's crusty pubes

I really dislike Bruce Springsteen; and I had managed to avoid him for a number of years. This all came to an end when I got married. The Spouse Sparrow loves Bruce Springsteen, so I am forced to listen to his music a lot. Since I am still psychologically scarred from MTV repeatedly playing "Dancing in the Dark," this is not valid.

No one should be named "Bruce" unless they are Australian, maybe excepting Bruce Willis. And "Springsteen"? It sounds like a disease. Plus, it kinda sounds gay, which is at odds not only with the name "Bruce" but also the persona he has tried to create. He is a seriously weedy fucker, and all that working out has only made it look like he is in love with himself, and/or gay, and he is not fooling anyone. Who has their ass on an album cover? Big raging homos like George Michael, that's who.

When Bruce Springsteen sings, he looks exactly like he is taking a shit ("Who's The Boss of Number 2?!"). This is not attractive, unless you are into scheisser videos, which I am not. That is nasty. I'll bet he has to check his pants after every concert.

Then there is the part where he is ugly as sin. How on earth can anyone think he is a heart-throb? I have noticed that it is practically required to like Bruce Springsteen if you are from the East Coat, so maybe the East Coast has lower (much lower) standards concerning who is good-looking than we do here, on the West Coast. No snide comments on my looks, please; my husband is not from the East Coast. He's British, which is why it's inexplicable that he even listens to Bruce Springsteen.

Being from California, I didn't even have to hear about Bruce Springsteen 'til the '80's, which was a blessing. KROQ did not play crap like that back in the day, although they do play utter shite now. I don't think he would have gotten any air time in Britain, except for the fact that everything is Number 1 over there for five minutes.

Bruce Springsteen is also dumber than fuck, as he went and married some dumb model, when Patti Scialfa (which also sounds like a disease name, and "Scialfa-Springsteen" is even worse) was hot for him all that time, and would have made a much better match. He ended up marrying her, anyway, after his divorce from the dumb whore model.

If I was Patti Scialfa, and Bruce Springsteen came crawling back to me, I would have told him to fuck off. Then I would have gone and shagged Clarence Clemons, and told Bruce Springsteen how much bigger Clarence's dick was. That's why Clarence is called "The Big Man." Clarence's web site takes forever to load, and has a lot of content (if you know what I mean), and I'm sure that means he takes his time and is really good in the sack.

Fat Sparrow


# 1 Bruce fan, you're the Boss. said...

You've gone too far, you'll find the divorce papers under a pile of shit, namely your smashed up Echo & the Bunnymen,Cure and Enya CDs.

Foot Eater said...

Well, I'll have to politely disagree with you on this, Mrs Sparrow. Though I must say you're right about the Patti Scialfa bit.

Fat Sparrow said...

Ah, well, tastes differ. Not everyone can have my excellent and impeccable taste in music.

Eyebee said...

I did like Born to Run ,and heard that in the UK when it first surfaced there in about 1975. I've not thought much of most of his other stuff, although he did make a reasonable contribution to Roy Orbison's Black & White Video back in about 1988.

The recent CD he has made called the Seeger Sessions is a bit of a departure from his normal crap though, and rather a good album.

Oh, and BBC radio 2 were playing tracks from it recently, and I'll admit to playing it on NAB Radio (

Fat Sparrow said...

Eyebee -- If you're trying to get a ride off of me, you're definitely going about it the wrong way.